I’m not as pretty as I was

“And you be the Captain, and I’ll be no-one” Kasey chambers, The Captain

The longest relationship I’ve ever had lasted 5 years. Well, actually, a little over 5 years. It’s with out a doubt the relationship that’s taught me the most, so I remember it well.

“Well I have handed all my efforts in, I searched here for my second wind”

It was her birthday a couple of weeks ago and I sent her an email wishing her all the best. We usually exchange emails about 2-3 times a year and birthdays are always one of those times. It got me thinking… could I remember what I gave her on any of the birthdays we were together? I could not.

“I’ve kicked myself at times because I’ve lied”

I didn’t give up, these last two weeks I kept on thinking… and a few came to mind. The last year we were together I was living abroad and I sent her a foot-long panoramic photograph. I remember the picture, she was standing pretty along a ridge that overlooked the craters of two volcanoes to her left and right. I think she liked it… Then I remembered that our first year together I gave her a reproduction of the first page of a British paper covering the fall of the Berlin Wall (a time in history I knew she particularly liked). I think she liked that as well… Finally, the last one I could remember was a fancy hour-long couple’s massage at a spa. I liked that…

“So I will have to learn to stand my ground. I’ll tell ’em I won’t be around”

So I’m happy I was able to remember 3 out of the 5, even though the massage got me thinking that I kind of mailed that one in and that I could’ve come up with something better. She was a great girl and I have absolutely no regrets of spending 5 years of my life with her. Our relationship should have ended 1 or 2 years before because we seemed to have different expectations, but we had a lot of fun and, as I mentioned at the beginning of the post, the relationship taught me a lot.

“And if I tread upon your feet, you just say so”

That was not the relationship I wanted, but it taught me what I want out of one. When I look back I always think it was time well spent, 5 years was a bargain when I think about what I took from the experience. Plus I met a great person, from a nice family, that I still keep in touch with today. I don’t remember the fights, the struggle of being long distance (3 out of the 5 years) or the periodic discussions on “where is this going?” whenever it came up that I might go off to work abroad. I remember the good stuff. We traveled to more than a dozen countries, shared a ton of laughs, made friends in common and enjoyed seeing each other become something better than what we were when we first met (at least in her case). There are only a few people I get really excited when I hear something great has happened to them, she is one of them.

“Did I forget to thank you for the ride”

This song is for her. Well, actually it’s for me, to remind me of her. I really like this song, but she loves it (or perhaps loved, who knows). She once told me that she listened to it occasionally when she missed me. I honestly don’t miss being with her, but I’ll take a page out of her playbook and use it to remember her… that I like doing.

“I tend to feel as though I owe one to you”

 

You deserve the deepest of cover

“You belong with your love on your arm” Tom Petty, Wildflowers

Yesterday I received some very sad news, an email from my father explaining that my grandfather was really sick. He’d been in and out of the hospital the last couple of weeks and was apparently doing better lately, but since yesterday his condition is getting worse. The doctor didn’t say if it would be weeks or months, but that he is a 90 year old man and things were beginning to add up.

I’d love to be able to see him in a trip back home I have coming up, but I realize I can’t be that selfish. He has spent the last weeks in pain, feeling very tired and going to hospital 2 or 3 times a week, so most of all I want him to be comfortable and enjoy the time he has left. Hopefully I get lucky and I can have both, but if not I definitely want the latter.

“Go away somewhere all bright and new, I have seen no other, who compares with you”

I think in part because I started this blog recently, as soon as I began getting my head around the news I started remembering memories of my grandfather which cheered me up a bit. However, as much as I tried, I couldn’t think of any songs that we both shared in some way or another. All I could think of was the fact that he loved playing Christmas carols, the same ones every year, and I dreaded them… they were awful. So I didn’t want to torture any possible reader, or myself, with any of those. I love my grandfather, I do not love those songs.

Then I thought of a song by Tom Petty, Wildflowers from his second solo album with the same name, and thought that it would suit my grandfather very well. Anybody who has ever met my grandfather knows that among his passions in life are gardening and doing yard work. He has a house in in the outskirts of the city where I’m from and he goes there every Summer. Since I can remember he has put endless amount of time into getting the yard in decent shape, and just as much time trying to get plants to grow in a little orchard in one of the corners of the house.

Yet anybody who has actually ever spent time with my grandfather, at that house, knows very well that nothing edible has ever come out of that orchard and that no matter how much time he (or his loyal soldiers, meaning everyone in the family) put into the yard, it’s always going to be covered in wildflowers. I know I’ll always remember my grandfather saying… get yourself ready because we have some work to do in the yard.

Let’s go at it chief.

“You belong among the wildflowers… you belong somewhere close to me… far away from your trouble and worry… you belong somewhere you feel free.”